


find my way back (into your arms)

by joonnoodle



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Disassociation, M/M, Mild Language, gas stations, nurses office
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-05 20:44:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16818139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joonnoodle/pseuds/joonnoodle
Summary: “Can you tell me what you want?”“Don’t say it like that.”





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> didn’t think the first thing id post would be a hq fic but Here We Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did some minor edits, not much changed but if you’d like to reread, I’d greatly appreciate it

The feeling hits him hard, right in the sternum, knocking the air from his rattling lungs.

He isn’t sure what the feeling is exactly, but it’s back, hitting fast and hard, disorienting, almost makes him stumble.

His feet knock from under him anyways and he’s falling, hits something - the floor - and he’s - not sure about anything anymore. His eyes are fixed, staring at what he doesn’t know - can’t recall - he’s floating around in his own head like it’s zero-gravity.

His vision goes for a swim in the ocean, all hazy and foggy, high in the mountains with their tops dipping into clouds and his skin feels - it tingles. Feels the way wood sounds as it crackles when on fire, turns to ash. He can’t really feel anything.

His eyes blink and blink, unseeing and mindless in their gaze. Until. Until there’s a shadow that passes over like an eclipse and he’s the moon being thrown into the darkness behind the Earth's shadow.

Suddenly he’s changing again, into the tides being pulled by the moon, by hands made of rocks and space.

He registers, faintly, far off and quiet, his name being called.

Over.

And over.

Again.

A lullaby, sweet and soothing, soothing hands from the moon that isn’t him anymore push at his now ocean sides, pull on his crashing waves of hair. He can feel the pain of it. But not really. Only distantly. Like watching someone else get hit. The hands keep pulling lightly, not really, he can’t tell, doesn’t care to, he’s floating now. Listless, in the middle of space and stars.

The rumble of rocks and voices is constant, a drone of noise he cannot hear, a landslide on low volume.

And now he’s thrown about his axis, dragged around and tipping to what he isn’t sure is his side. There’s bright lights and then theres no bright lights and some more soothing sounds like a radio, not static but not a station he knows, no words reach his deaf ears.

He has his eyes shut now he’s sure but when they blink open again there’s nothing. Black like open space and there’s no gravity again. He’s floating.

Around in a vacuum.

Lost.

Isn’t sure if this counts as being lost.

Floats around like that for awhile.

It seems like a long time before Kenma really feels his skin again, can move his hands on his own accord. Like his body is the puppet and he’s the puppet master, pulling on the strings to make his hands move. 

Someone he knows to be Kuroo, but only vaguely, is there, fingernails digging little crescent indents into his skin where they grab hard on his wrists.

Kenma is pulled into his chest like a child. Embarrassment flames fast under his skin, and burns heavy into his stomach, ashamed and ugly.

“Fuck, you okay?” Breathed hard against his neck. Kuroo-but-only-vaguely has Kenma’s head smushed against his chest in some attempt at comfort. “You scared me.”

Kenma doesn’t think he could talk if he tried, but makes a noise anyways. Feels like a car going over a gravel driveway.

Kuroo holds him a little tighter, squeezes him just that bit more.

Kenma clears his throat and tries again. “Sorry.”

A quick exhale, and then Kuroo is shaking his head, like Kenma is a child who did something wrong. “Shut up.”

“Yeah.”


	2. 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kuroo is worried

They’re in the middle of practice, Kuroo in the middle of receiving an easy toss, when Kenma goes down like a rock. The sound of him hitting the floor seems so loud and harsh, his head knocking hard against the wood flooring of the gym. His water bottle rolls around his leg, dropped to the side and leaking. 

“Kenma!” Kuroo is over in a second, volleyball completely forgotten, moving faster than he thinks is possible, gets Kenma up, sitting up.

Kenma’s head rolls around like he has no control over it. Kuroo would think he passed out from fucking braining himself on the floor if it weren’t for his eyes being open, blinking blankly, foggy and unfocused. He doesn’t even look like he felt it. Kenma breathes out, tiny puffs with shallow lungs. 

“Hey, shit, Kenma. Hey? Hey, talk to me, you okay? Fuck- Kenma?”

The sounds in the gym have halted, the banter, the sounds of balls being hit and tossed and spiked, paused. 

Kuroo, without thinking, grabs ahold of Kenma’s hair, pulls a little, more than he intends to, keeps his head from rolling off his body. Tries to catch Kenma’s eyes only for them to look right through him.

“Kuroo, is he- what the- what’s up?”

It’s Yaku, nervously tittering to his side. His hand are kinda shaking, like he wants to touch and help but doesn’t know what to do. Kuroo doesn’t really know what to do either. Yaku kneels beside him, hands bouncing around Kenma, touching his shoulders, his neck, his face, checking for bumps and forming bruises.

“I- I don’t know?” Kuroo says, a little breathless, a little scared.

“Kenma-san?” It’s Lev. He sounds like a lost child. He’s worrying his bottom lip, caught between his teeth, probably unthinkingly. He’s got a ball in his hand, weakly pressing his fingers into the soft skin of it. “Is- Kenma-san- is he okay?”

“I don’t know? Really..” Kuroo replies. “Come here, help me get him up.”

Kuroo looks over this shoulder. Lev takes a step forward, hands dropping the ball, poised up like he’s going to help but he doesn’t really do anything- just stands there like he doesn’t understand. Kuroo’s attention falls back to Kenma.

“Hey, Kenma? Kenma? Pudding head?” Kuroo says again, hoping. Why isn’t he fucking answering? What’s wrong? Kenma doesn’t even look like he’s breathing anymore.

Kuroo moves his hand from pulling at Kenma’s dyed strands to hold the back of his neck, while the other feels around his head for the knot that’s surely formed. Kuroo doesn’t feel anything but when his fingers slide across the side of Kenma’s head, his eyes flutter.

“Is that- does that hurt?” Kuroo asks, needs a response. Kenma doesn’t have any color in his face, as white as a paper, lips parted just some.

“Kuroo?” Yaku voice is high and panicked. He’s probably freaking out. He’s backed away now, just some, enough to be there. 

“Yeah- just, yeah. Help me take him to the nurse? Lev?” Kuroo glances over his shoulder again to Lev.

“Uh, yes, sorry.. okay,” and then Lev is moving this time, his hands grabbing at Kenma’s sides, practically dwarfing Kenma’s waist, hoisting him up to stand like he’s a rag doll. Kuroo looks at him, at Kenma. He’s gotten kind of skinny, thinks to bring it up some other time.

They get him standing relatively easy. With how out of it Kenma seems, with how fast his knees buckled, he stands like normal, even if he’s swaying a little here and there. Lev takes Kenma’s arm and holds him as best as his height difference allows. Kuroo braces most of Kenma, not that he’s really all that heavy or hard to carry anyways. They walk slow out of the gymnasium, Yaku placating everyone behind them, trying his luck at getting them back to practicing. Kai is soothing Yamamoto, holding on to his shoulder to keep him from running after surely, Fukunaga helping to ease Inuoka’s and Shibayama’s stressed frenzied questions. 

The doors shutting sounds louder than it should. 

The walk to the nurse is easy. Kenma walks like he knows how. His breathing is uneven and his hands shake, but he walks easily. Kuroo has his arm wrapped around Kenma’s side to keep him steady, and Lev stays relatively silent, probably doesn’t know what to say. Kuroo thanks whatever deity is up there that Lev is quiet.

Lev lets go of Kenma to open the door to the nurses office, lets Kuroo walk Kenma through the room to stand beside a small cot that is off to the side of the room.

The nurse pops out of the office when the door opens, looking between them all. She tuts a little. Athletes in the nurses office is probably a normal sight.

“And what might you boys be in here for?” She asks, light hearted. Her hair is up in a high ponytail and it sways a little as she walks over towards them.

“He-“ Kuroo starts. Doesn’t really know what to say. Passed out? Kenma didn’t really. He’d been awake, out of it, yeah, but still awake. Fell and hit his head seems like the best option. “Fell. Knocked his head on the floor.”

The nurse makes a noise of understanding. Kindly tells him to sit Kenma on the little cot. Reaching in her pocket to pull out a small- thing? She clicks a button and a light shines; a flashlight?

“I’m gonna touch you, that okay?” She asks. Kenma doesn’t respond, just blinks blankly.

“I think he’s a little out of it, ya know? Might not say.. much.” Lev says from the doorway. As Kuroo looks over to meet Lev’s eyes, the nurse makes a noise of agreement. “Um, Kuroo?” He says, unsurely. “I’ll go.. back?”

“Okay.” Kuroo says, neutral. “Tell the team he’ll be fine, just needs some rest. And, thank you.” He tacks on as an after thought.

“Yeah- uh, yeah. Yeah..” The doors muted shut behind Lev marks his leave.

Kuroo looks back as the nurse clicks her flashlight off. She slips it back into her front pocket.

“I’m gonna feel your head now, okay?” She warns, waits a second for a response before she realizes there isn’t one. Her hand does the same as Kuroo’s did earlier, touches the base of his neck and then her fingers touch at Kenma’s skull, feels for a bump. “Kuroo-kun? That’s your name?”

Kuroo looks away from Kenma’s face to hers, makes a noise to communicate he’s listening.

“Will you grab an ice pack? They’re in the little fridge over there by the cabinets. And some paper towels, too? I don’t want them to be too cold for him.”

“Yeah- yes, ma’am.” Kuroo does as he’s asked, gets more paper towels than needed probably, hands them over silently. She wraps the ice pack a couple times before putting it on the side of Kenma’s head. She guides Kenma’s hand up to hold it and he does, keeps his hand there.

“He’s okay- no concussion or anything, I don’t think. Usually have to worry about that with you athletes.” She waves her hand dismissively, continues causally. “We have some other checks to do, just to make sure, but I’ll wait for that because I don’t believe he’ll answer. But, if you could, can I get some information about him?”

“Yes. Ma’am.” Kuroo says.

“Oh, good. It’s all standard paper work things - symptoms and things like that - so if you don’t know, it’s okay.” She disappears into her office and reappears while she’s talking. She has some little tablet or something in her hands, taps around on the screen for a second, then asks, “his name?”

“Kozume Kenma,” he says back.

There a little rustle behind him, and he turns, sees Kenma grip the ice pack a little tighter.

“Can I sit with him?” Kuroo asks. She seems surprised by this but nods anyways.

Kuroo moves to sit beside Kenma, has his arm wrapped around his shoulders, tucks Kenma’s face into his neck. The coldness of the ice pack seeps into his skin but he doesn’t move Kenma away, his elbow digging a bit into his side but it’s not painful.

The nurse types a bit more at her tablet, asks more questions like if Kenma has thrown up, if he’s been ‘out of it’, if he’s mentioned being dizzy or seeing stars, and Kuroo answers when he can, shrugs his shoulder when he can’t. Kenma hardy shifts besides him, his breathing is a bit more normal than the shallow huffs from earlier.

The nurse excuses herself back to her office some time later, after getting all the information she could from Kuroo, says she has more paperwork or something.

Kuroo shifts them around until they might as well be laying down when she’s gone. The ice pack has melted some, so it’s set aside and forgotten. Kuroo has Kenma smushed against him, Kenma’s head tucked into Kuroo’s neck, Kenma’s hands curled in between them.

They stay like that for a while, Kuroo running his hands through dyed strands so he’s not so idle. Kenma’s fingers flex every now and then, but it’s a bit longer before he makes some sort of humming noise, like he’s coming back alive. Kuroo pushes them up, grabs at Kenma’s wrists maybe a little harder than he means to. Kenma blinks, eyes slowly losing their unsettling fog, looks like he finally recognizes things as being here, where he is.

Kuroo pulls him back to his chest and squeezes harder than he should. Kenma makes a little ‘oof’ noise from the suddenness and Kuroo has to stop himself from sighing in relief. “Fuck, you okay? You scared me.”

Kenma makes some gargled noise, half hum, half attempt at speech. Kuroo holds him a little closer, hoping his relief doesn’t spill out of him in the form of tears.

Kenma clears his throat and it sounds nasty and clogged and Kuroo almost pulls him in his lap completely but holds himself back.

“Sorry,” Kenma says, like he did something wrong, like this is the worst thing for Kuroo to have to go out of his way for, like Kenma thinks he some problem to be dealt with. Kuroo shakes his head, huffs disbelievingly, almost surprised into amusement.

“Shut up,” he says back, dips it into fondness then hands it over to Kenma.

“Yeah,” Kenma says, placidly.

Like he’s okay with that.


End file.
